In working with all kinds of men from different walks of life and varying personalities, I have found one common theme that exists throughout:
At their core, men desire to please women.
Now, I know it can be easy to forget this on a day-to-day basis. Perhaps if you’re like me, you’ve communicated to your partner that your “love language” is acts of service and what really turns you on is having a clean house–and yet his parts of the house continue to look like a 20-year old-college-boy pig sty (note: my husband Tyler’s recent Facebook post). Love you Ty! 🙂
But once you get below that surface stuff and know how to engage with men and provide them a safe opportunity to open up and share their inner most drives and desires, what lies beneath (for most men) is a deep longing to please and provide for women.
Think about it. Men have literally been fighting to the death since the dawn of time because they believe that in doing so they are somehow pleasing or providing for women and/or their kin. (Sidenote: I personally think it’s high time to evolve that concept, but since I don’t rule the world…yet…we’ll just have to start from where we are). Men go to battle over land (i.e. feminine Mother Earth) and give their ships and other “vessels that they enter” feminine names. When it comes down to it, they are slightly obsessed with having access to feminine energy in any and all of it’s forms.
And here’s what else men report. They often don’t know how to please women. They aren’t clear on what women really want. Or sometimes they are finally clear and then she changes her mind! From the male perspective, women’s needs and wants can feel like a moving target, and that makes sense because women have the ability to be all over the place. Our biochemistry and our capacity to process and multi-task a million different things at any one time can make us seem like a mystery and a puzzle.
Add on to that the reality that we all grow and change over time. Parenthood changes us. Career demands change us. Homeownership and the other insane amount of grown up responsibilities we take on…all of these things change us and perhaps we haven’t taken the time to communicate with our partners what those changes now mean in terms of what we want in the context of romance and relationship.
Men can then begin to wonder if they will ever be enough. If, as women, we will ever be satisfied? And this can lead to frustration, anger, breakdown of communication, and ultimately a shutting down of intimacy and connection all together. Sound familiar? Yep. Been there, done that. More than a few times in 14 years of marriage.
So, what’s the solution? The solution is clarity. The solution is communication. The clearer you can get on what you want as a woman at this stage in your life and invite your partner into that conversation, the better chance you have at actually both arriving at a place of mutual satisfaction. Because what we know for sure is that when a woman has a safe space to explore and to clearly and confidently articulate what she really wants….boy oh boy, things can get good real fast!
So, ladies, don’t be afraid to ask for what you really want this Mother’s Day. And if you need help identifying that, we’ve got your back. Chances are, your guy really wants to know too…so that he can feel good about genuinely making you happy!
And for the fellas reading this, if you want to give your woman a gift that she really wants this Mother’s Day…look no further, my friends.
Click here to experience why sparks are flying: https://betsy-koepke.mykajabi.com/couples-connection